"Dear Diary" Homage to Youth

My eldest son stood in the Kitchen this afternoon, his eyes full of rage and hissed "This is CRAP Parenting!!! You obviously were NEVER 13!!!!!!!" then he stormed out, slamming things and people on the way to his bedroom! Later, when he'd stopped swearing and was hungry, he came downstairs and we agreed to haul the Christmas Decorations into the Loft. This is a two person project, as it has to be achieved by dragging things through a ridiculously small hatch and then by crawling on all fours, for a couple of metres, into the loft cavity. Mid manoeuvre, one of us tripped over a cardboard box labelled "Valuables," written in felt tip on the side, in an indisputably teenage scrawl. When it spilled its guts onto the dusty floor, Eldest son and I discovered a Time Capsule of my Adolescence from twelve years old to my early twenties. There were around twelve packs of photos with all the negatives intact and a jumbly collection of "treasures" tangled up in the string from a deflated, helium balloon from my 18th birthday. This box had obviously travelled from London to Colchester in 1999 and had been stowed in the loft and never looked at again.

"God, who is THAT?" asked Eldest Son, aghast, handing me a photo which turned out to be me, aged twelve, smiling sheepishly next to some long forgotten Olympic Hockey Player, who had visited our school. "Er that's me?" I replied. He considered it for a minute "Minging hair Mum... no offence or anything!" So we rummaged further through Carol concert sheets, faded snaps of myself and his Godmother at various ages until suddenly in the corner of the box I spied the curling corners of a Jackie Diary, 1987. Tossing it Eldest Son ,I nonchalantly said " ...here this might amuse you". And so sitting amongst his baby toys and bags of babygroes, Eldest Son settled down to come face to face with his Mother's 14 year old self. And he stayed there for two hours until his feet turned to ice and his bum was numb.

So in tribute to Noo, Joey, Beaka and Melly some genuine excerpts from " Dear Diary" (cliched I know, but I d just read Ann Frank!)

Wednesday 11th Feb 1987

Dear Diary.

Terrible French test. Made Fish Pie in Cookery. YUK. Came home and read some of the "Meat Book" cried and went to bed. Will become a vegetarian in the morning.

Tuesday 25th March 1987

Dear Diary

Went to the Science Museum. Boring. 1 hour lecture on Chemistry. 1 hour lecture on Physics. YAWN. Caught R Matthews and R Ellery having a fag in the toilet with A. Sturgess. Disgusting!

Saturday 18th April 1987

Dear Diary

M spilled Coke on my clothes so I had to get a new outfit for the Roller disco tonight. Went to the Roller disco and I got asked to go out with this boy? J was sexually harassed by someone pulling her sleeve and at the end some bitchy girls wouldn't let me get my bag and a boy kept touching the back of my legs? YUK! Wore my Snazzy earrings.

Saturday 16th May 1987

Dear Diary

Did Prep all afternoon. Went to Roller Disco and met Marcus and Bob from the last time. Marcus is going to tell Bob to tell MARK that I want to go out with him. N wants to to go out with Marcus but now I think I love him? Shaved my legs when I got home to take my mind off it. OWWWWWW!

Thursday 11th June 1987

Thatcher won the General Election. Now We ve got the BITCH for another 5 years. Watched Dynasty and felt better. Watched a film called K'tang Yang Kipper bang which had sex in it nearly!

Tuesday 13th october 1987

Did Prep til 10 PM after school. Julia saw DANIEL at the Roller disco on Saturday and he kissed her TWICE!!!!!! one normal kiss and 1 Frenchy....Lucky Girl.....

Saturday 19th December 1987

Had to go to the Labour Party Christmas bazaar. Why are they so hairy? Then came home and G made us watch "When the wind blows" about Nuclear war. Depressed. Watched "The Slipper and the Rose " secretly in the Study with the light off to cheer me up!

So eldest son finished his riveting read and chucking the diary onto the Coffee table he sloped off to the fridge again. "So?" I enquired "You see I was a teenger once!". He stared at me incredulously and said " You had it really easy, I have to deal with REALLY serious and stressful stuff!" He wandered out of the kitchen, but not before he threw back over his shoulder... "Oh and Mum? Y' know you are still quite SAD!"